Date Auction Meme

[polkayoureyesout]

Date Auction

Love For Sale!

The Fog God has decreed a night of love! Whether they want to or not, monsters will find themselves in line to be auctioned off to the highest bidder for dinner dates. Her Fogginess has helpfully supplied tokens for bidding on others but don't be afraid to offer goods and services of your own.

Don't want to be sold, bid on anyone, or go on the date? No problem! Her faceless servitors will just force you and then push you into the nearest restaurant, grassy field, or boating experience. NOW KISS.


The first starter will be for the monsters being auctioned off. Under the second, feel free to put starters for individual dates.

Comments

Auctions

[polkayoureyesout]

"Roll up, roll up one and all for a u-nique and GENuine DATE WITH A MONSTER!"

Korekiyo Shinguji

[justpure]

[Korekiyo isn't here for romance. That should be clear enough. He's willing to be auctioned off like a slave for a single day together, but he already has someone to give his love to.

Nevertheless, he might get sold for quite a bargian. If the fact he's mostly bone doesn't scare you off, then his cold, eerie demeanour and the way he stares into the crowd might.]

Re: Korekiyo Shinguji

[polkayoureyesout]

[No one else seems to be bidding on the guy just yet. Maybe they can skip the date part? Maybe he also feels bad about nearly kicking the guy out of his clinic last week.

Waldo raises a hand.]

One token.

Butters

[polkayoureyesout]

[The auctioneer's helper yanks a hood off Waldo who blinks in the light. The auctioneer grabs his wing and Waldo shoots a glare at him and yanks it back again.]

ALRIGHT! ITEM TWO: The harpy! See that plumage? Beautiful plumage that harpy has! Do I hear one token? One token from the God of Fog herself. One token, anyone?

Juno Steel

[junosteel]

[Juno's familiar with this sort of stuff. They did this back in the HCPD as a part of their fundraiser when they were trying to get more money to continue to provide prisoners with quality care and expensive sawdust coffee.

Thinking back on that whole experience, it probably actually wasn't exactly for a good cause.

Juno scowls, his eyebrow twitching as he crosses his arms and glares out at the crowd. He'll begrudgingly participate--he wants to see what kind of fools want to tangle with him.]

Next up, a rather handsome wereraccoon with a feisty temper and a bite to match. Look at the battle scars on this bad boy! But don't let that fool you--underneath all that anger is a big ol' softy with plenty of fear and family issues!

HEY! Can't a lady do his own elevator pitch?!

And, what luck--this detective is available to gentlemen, ladies, and all otherwise undecided! Don't you just wanna run your hands through his fur? Do I hear one token?

[justbeingknife]

One token.

[ said someone familiar in the crowd, trying to keep a straight face. ]

I mean, look at that fur. So fluffy.

[ Like Majima was one to talk, now sporting as he was a luxurious white-furred mane, along with some other distinctly furrier extremities. ]

Handsome Jack

[thedifferencebetween]

[Jack didn't even need to be roped into this, this is something he'd happily do entirely of his own volition. In fact he gets the auctioneer's attention beforehand, to make sure that he's given a proper introduction.]

Up next, we have one Simulacrum, a genuine metal man! Sleek lines, striking colors!
Endurance, stamina, super human strength, what more could you ask for? Starting at....

[Jack clears his throat and elbows the auctioneer. Who sighs heavily and continues in a dry, un-amused tone.]

Ahem. This item number would like it on the record that, I quote 'bits of him vibrate'. Now, let's start with one token! One token folks, let's get this bidding going!

[peaceamongworlds]

[Raucously shouted from the back of the crowd.]

I've got about 2.50 in my back pocket! Does that---does that work?

Marco Evangelisti

[peccatore]

[In a convenient Meme Continuity where Marco isn't a married man... Well, he still very much does not want to be here. But clearly, what he wants does not matter.]

And here we have a fine example of a charming, beautiful merman! Don't be fooled by his sense of fashion and nerdy looks - this wrinkly dress shirt hides a pleasantly built surprise!

[Sure, maybe the auctioneer's pitch is oddly flattering, but he still doesn't LIKE this.]

One token! Do I hear one token for this deceptively gentle creature of the deep?!

Re: Marco Evangelisti

[polkayoureyesout]

[Marco is his friend and no one else is biting yet so he'll just raise his hand.]

Timothy Lawrence

[blap_blap]

[Tim absolutely had to be roped into doing this, and when he gets up onto that stage and there are, like, people looking at him? He visibly pales and shifts nervously on his feet, kind of like he'd really like to just bolt, but doing so would draw more attention to himself and he's stuck without any discreet exit.]

Up next, we have a handsome specimen of a minotaur! Don't let his bulk deceive you-- this creature may be as strong as a bull, but he has a disposition as gentle as a lamb!

[He frowns and half turns towards the auctioneer at that part, looking like he's going to open his mouth to protest a bit at that description. The auctioneer just completely talks right over him, though, and Tim shuts his mouth and that really probably lends all the credence that anyone needs to those statements.]

Let's start the bidding at one token! Do I hear one token? That's a deal for a prime cut of beef!

[That definitely earns the auctioneer a dirty look.]

[thedifferencebetween]

[Jack's been waiting for this. Hey, he's just taking advantage of an opportunity! He's got tokens and money, and Tim's right there on the auction stage. What else is he gonna do?]

One token right here!

[He even stands up. Just to be sure that his bid is seen and accepted.]

Fiora

[goes_all_out]

[Wait how did she get here she didn't sign up for thi-]

Now we have a lovely mermaid! Look at those sparkling scales, and luscious locks! I hear she's quite the kisser, too!

E-excuse me! I'm standing right here!

Let's start the bidding at one token!

Grace Nakimura

[me_underfire]

[Oh no]

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this one's a real werebear! Don't let her meek and petite stature fool you-

I'm sorry, who are you calling meek?

-She's a real animal where it counts! Let's start the bidding at one token!

I hate everything about this.

Re: Grace Nakimura

[polkayoureyesout]

[He recognizes that look. Don't worry, he has every intention of letting you go without a date. Too bad he doesn't know about the servitors.]

One token.

Catch and release [He mouths towards her. Hopefully she's looking and has a clue what he means.]

Fran Baiseal

[hantale]

[Through some miracle, Fran has been coerced into taking part in this. It's not slavery, very not slavery, they won't be restrained, and it will only last one date.

This is... well, it could be worse, so the kelpie is playing along, mostly out of curiosity.]

Next up, this beautiful kelpie from south of Bavan. Just LOOK at those pretty eyes. This kelpie enjoys long walks on the beach, long walks anywhere, walking in general, and just about all things nature. Don't let that fool you though, they have a fiesty personality hidden away for unweary travellers!

The bidding will start at ONE TOKEN!

[justpure]

One token.

[It's unclear how much he actually wants to date, but much of his research involves first hand experiences.

Plus, he appreciates Fran's company.]

[nobirdsallowed]

Virgil doesn't need convincing. He may be slightly awkward around Fran these days, but he does like them- and the faerie automatically lifts up a hastily-drawn sign and hopes someone counts it.

"One token!"

Zack

[zackthekiller]

[They had to handcuff him and muzzle him with a belt just so he didn't attack the auctioneer. Who thought auctioning off the killer robot was a good idea?]

Erm, our next lovely item is another genuine simulacrum! Don't let the wear and tear fool you, he's an honest fellow with a lot of stamina and-

Oh, SHUT THE FUCK UP! [Yes, Zack doesn't really need his mouth to speak, but he's only a tiny bit muffled thanks to his maw being forced closed.] I'm already getting sick of this crap!

[The auctioneer gulps and tries not to look Zack in the eye.] O-One token! Do I have one token, PLEASE?

[doctorize]

What's the matter, Zack, afraid no one is going to want to spend any amount of time with you here?

[shut the fuck up danny, no one asked for your opinion here]

Egon Spengler

[hauntpadour]

[The nephilim is still depressed as a highway-flattened squirrel, but hey- Fog mom brought him here to get sold off for a date. And hey, he's attractive- right?]

[Depends on how you feel about giant glowing men who smell like cake, with a big blonde pompadour and lovely plumage, and scars all over his face.]

"Take a look at this handsome, accomplished scientist! He enjoys studying, reading, and trying to decipher the enigmas of Ryslig. Get past that stiff exterior, there's a lot to share- and maybe you can cheer him up too.]

Virgil Alexandrescu

[nobirdsallowed]

He's a big pastel colored bug with the demeanor of a shy kitten, good luck. At least, unlike some people, Virgil is trying to smile and look genuine, no clue what to do with all these hands and constantly fidgeting, holding them, ringing then- hoping to please.

"What a colorful young faerie! What vibrant colors, what beautiful curly hair. With this soft-spoken specimen, you can always get a word in edgewise and will have a sweet partner. Just watch out in case he gets handsy!"

Daniel Dickens

[doctorize]

[... He's already dating someone, why the fuck is he being made to stand on this stage.]

Next, we have Doctor Dickens here, who, like we said, is not only a doctor, but is also a vampire. That's quite a twofer on the scale of "most fantasized about", last we checked in the romance section of the local library.

[Danny just sort of turns his gaze up toward the ceiling at that like as if hoping lightning is going to strike and kill him right there.]

You need not worry though folks, he just wants to have a good time, and unlike most, it's not those fangs that sets up intrigue, but those curious eyes of his that one can't help but want to stare into! I'm sure there's quite a story there--

Yes, and if you don't stop talking, you'll find out the hard way what that story is.

[He says, smile still in place but absolutely forced now and giving the auctioneer a look daring him to say anything further.]

...... Right, uh, do I hear one token? One token?

The Dates

[polkayoureyesout]

A servitor is playing haunting fiddle music and two more surround the lucky (?) pair, ensuring no one can get away without a fight.

Jack and Tim

[thedifferencebetween]

[As soon as the transaction is all finished and Jack and Tim begin talking, the staff moves in.]

Uh...not sure if I get to pick, actually...

[Wow, this is pretty creepy, all things considered. Jack just wants a shot at fooling around with the other guy, he doesn't need all the freaking faceless servants hovering around and trying to help. They don't scream sexy vibes. But it looks like as long as they both agree to a date and get going, the spooks won't interfere too much.]

[Besides, Tim knows damn well what he wants to do. It's just a matter of if he'll be down for it.]

Look, how about this. What do you want to do? I don't mean with me, I mean...a game show host asks you to describe your dream date, or whatever, what do you tell him?