Date Auction Meme

[polkayoureyesout]

Date Auction

Love For Sale!

The Fog God has decreed a night of love! Whether they want to or not, monsters will find themselves in line to be auctioned off to the highest bidder for dinner dates. Her Fogginess has helpfully supplied tokens for bidding on others but don't be afraid to offer goods and services of your own.

Don't want to be sold, bid on anyone, or go on the date? No problem! Her faceless servitors will just force you and then push you into the nearest restaurant, grassy field, or boating experience. NOW KISS.


The first starter will be for the monsters being auctioned off. Under the second, feel free to put starters for individual dates.

Comments

Auctions

[polkayoureyesout]

"Roll up, roll up one and all for a u-nique and GENuine DATE WITH A MONSTER!"

The Dates

[polkayoureyesout]

A servitor is playing haunting fiddle music and two more surround the lucky (?) pair, ensuring no one can get away without a fight.

Korekiyo Shinguji

[justpure]

[Korekiyo isn't here for romance. That should be clear enough. He's willing to be auctioned off like a slave for a single day together, but he already has someone to give his love to.

Nevertheless, he might get sold for quite a bargian. If the fact he's mostly bone doesn't scare you off, then his cold, eerie demeanour and the way he stares into the crowd might.]

Butters

[polkayoureyesout]

[The auctioneer's helper yanks a hood off Waldo who blinks in the light. The auctioneer grabs his wing and Waldo shoots a glare at him and yanks it back again.]

ALRIGHT! ITEM TWO: The harpy! See that plumage? Beautiful plumage that harpy has! Do I hear one token? One token from the God of Fog herself. One token, anyone?

Juno Steel

[junosteel]

[Juno's familiar with this sort of stuff. They did this back in the HCPD as a part of their fundraiser when they were trying to get more money to continue to provide prisoners with quality care and expensive sawdust coffee.

Thinking back on that whole experience, it probably actually wasn't exactly for a good cause.

Juno scowls, his eyebrow twitching as he crosses his arms and glares out at the crowd. He'll begrudgingly participate--he wants to see what kind of fools want to tangle with him.]

Next up, a rather handsome wereraccoon with a feisty temper and a bite to match. Look at the battle scars on this bad boy! But don't let that fool you--underneath all that anger is a big ol' softy with plenty of fear and family issues!

HEY! Can't a lady do his own elevator pitch?!

And, what luck--this detective is available to gentlemen, ladies, and all otherwise undecided! Don't you just wanna run your hands through his fur? Do I hear one token?

[justbeingknife]

One token.

[ said someone familiar in the crowd, trying to keep a straight face. ]

I mean, look at that fur. So fluffy.

[ Like Majima was one to talk, now sporting as he was a luxurious white-furred mane, along with some other distinctly furrier extremities. ]

Handsome Jack

[thedifferencebetween]

[Jack didn't even need to be roped into this, this is something he'd happily do entirely of his own volition. In fact he gets the auctioneer's attention beforehand, to make sure that he's given a proper introduction.]

Up next, we have one Simulacrum, a genuine metal man! Sleek lines, striking colors!
Endurance, stamina, super human strength, what more could you ask for? Starting at....

[Jack clears his throat and elbows the auctioneer. Who sighs heavily and continues in a dry, un-amused tone.]

Ahem. This item number would like it on the record that, I quote 'bits of him vibrate'. Now, let's start with one token! One token folks, let's get this bidding going!

[peaceamongworlds]

[Raucously shouted from the back of the crowd.]

I've got about 2.50 in my back pocket! Does that---does that work?

[junosteel]

Pot. Kettle.

[He smirks, crossing his arms.]

That's one token! Do I hear two tokens? Two tokens, anyone?

Marco Evangelisti

[peccatore]

[In a convenient Meme Continuity where Marco isn't a married man... Well, he still very much does not want to be here. But clearly, what he wants does not matter.]

And here we have a fine example of a charming, beautiful merman! Don't be fooled by his sense of fashion and nerdy looks - this wrinkly dress shirt hides a pleasantly built surprise!

[Sure, maybe the auctioneer's pitch is oddly flattering, but he still doesn't LIKE this.]

One token! Do I hear one token for this deceptively gentle creature of the deep?!

Re: Korekiyo Shinguji

[polkayoureyesout]

[No one else seems to be bidding on the guy just yet. Maybe they can skip the date part? Maybe he also feels bad about nearly kicking the guy out of his clinic last week.

Waldo raises a hand.]

One token.

[thedifferencebetween]

[Before the auctioneer can speak, Jack just takes over his entire own auction.]

Oh sure, that works if ya want me to dry spit in your general direction, sure. Look, folks, what you've got up here is a rare opportunity. I'm funny, I'm brilliant, I'm a friggin galactic space king back home, I'm rich, and I've got half a dozen fun time functions in this elegantly crafted metal body. So open your wallets, and buy yourself a night you're never gonna forget. Cause the asshole in the back doesn't know what he's talking about, and sure as hell isn't gonna pay out what it's gonna take to win me.

[Someone has a very high opinion of himself.]

[justbeingknife]

[ A rickety old lady raised her arm. "Two tokens! I'm going to have him clean my chimney."

Clean her chimney? Was that a euphemism for something?

Only then she turned to another auction member and stage-whispered: "They never climb up all the way in there, you know. But that one's got plenty of brush." ]

[junosteel]

Hey!

Three tokens! Three tokens, anyone?

[justbeingknife]

[ Majima raised his eyebrows at Juno, as if to silently ask: bid?

Look, he didn't want to assume. Maybe Juno had a plant in the crowd to bid on his behalf.

"Three tokens!" announced a slightly wild-eyed man with a suspicious-looking rusty syringe in one hand. Gloves covered his hands up past his elbows, it was fine. ]

[junosteel]

[Juno's eye widens when he spots the bidder and turns to just stare straight at Majima. No way is he going to get torn apart for whatever that dude has in mind.

Jesus Christ, for the love of God please help him.]

[justbeingknife]

Four tokens.

[ Majima said, raising his hand again.

Look, the guy probably just liked

.....tetanus.......... ]

Timothy Lawrence

[blap_blap]

[Tim absolutely had to be roped into doing this, and when he gets up onto that stage and there are, like, people looking at him? He visibly pales and shifts nervously on his feet, kind of like he'd really like to just bolt, but doing so would draw more attention to himself and he's stuck without any discreet exit.]

Up next, we have a handsome specimen of a minotaur! Don't let his bulk deceive you-- this creature may be as strong as a bull, but he has a disposition as gentle as a lamb!

[He frowns and half turns towards the auctioneer at that part, looking like he's going to open his mouth to protest a bit at that description. The auctioneer just completely talks right over him, though, and Tim shuts his mouth and that really probably lends all the credence that anyone needs to those statements.]

Let's start the bidding at one token! Do I hear one token? That's a deal for a prime cut of beef!

[That definitely earns the auctioneer a dirty look.]

[thedifferencebetween]

[Jack's been waiting for this. Hey, he's just taking advantage of an opportunity! He's got tokens and money, and Tim's right there on the auction stage. What else is he gonna do?]

One token right here!

[He even stands up. Just to be sure that his bid is seen and accepted.]

Re: Marco Evangelisti

[polkayoureyesout]

[Marco is his friend and no one else is biting yet so he'll just raise his hand.]

[blap_blap]

[Oh, no.]

[Tim sees Jack stand up with his bid and he really does go pale, because the only thing he can think of that's worse than going on a date with some rando is going on a date with Jack.]

[He needs more people to bid on him, stat.]

[Tim does the only thing that he can think of to get that bidding going and starts taking off his shirt.]

Do I hear two tokens for-- oh, well, that sure is a cut of beef.

[thedifferencebetween]

[Well that certainly gets a reaction. Jack finds himself with a rival bidder, an elderly woman with a perm and way too much makeup who offers up two tokens while fanning herself with her program.]

THREE!

[Jack doesn't even wait for the auctioneer to ask for a competing bid. He is not here to lose. That beef? That's leaving with him.]

Fiora

[goes_all_out]

[Wait how did she get here she didn't sign up for thi-]

Now we have a lovely mermaid! Look at those sparkling scales, and luscious locks! I hear she's quite the kisser, too!

E-excuse me! I'm standing right here!

Let's start the bidding at one token!

[peaceamongworlds]

Oh, really? It's not---Alright, I've got three matchbooks and a screwdriver too. How's that?

Grace Nakimura

[me_underfire]

[Oh no]

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this one's a real werebear! Don't let her meek and petite stature fool you-

I'm sorry, who are you calling meek?

-She's a real animal where it counts! Let's start the bidding at one token!

I hate everything about this.