graveyardsmash | TEST DRIVE MEME: SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER

TDM: SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER

Welcome to the Ryslig Test Drive Meme! Below are a few prompts to get you started, but you may make up any prompt you desire! Please take a look at the navigation page for rules, setting information, and links to reserves and apps. Have fun!

SCENARIO ONE

You wake up on the beach thoroughly drenched, with your mouth full of sand. The salt water is making all the cuts and scrapes on your skin sting and the sand isn't helping. The air is slightly humid, ruining any feeling of refreshment you might have gotten from your dip in the ocean.

There are lights in the distance, but the unfriendly scent of gunpowder fills the air. If you're lucky, you're alone. If not - you might find yourself staring up into a pair of monstrous eyes or down the barrel of a local's shotgun.

SCENARIO TWO

So you've just arrived, and already some of the natives are trying to get on your good side with offers of food, shelter and other luxuries in return for hoping you don't eat them. They even have some helpful pamphlets to share with you. "How To Deal With Changes", "Alternatives to Human Flesh", "What to Expect When You're Expecting (to turn into a monster)" are all on the more informative end of the scale. There's even some detailing certain monsters, and the changes they go through. Some of these seem to have been passed down from one monster to the next.

Among these however, are some... not so helpful ones. "Bunnyipyips And You", "Axe Thief Axehounds," and "So you're becoming a Fur Bearing Trout" among others. Sometimes they have marks on them from previous readers saying they're lies, or pointing out good "jokes."

Then there are the people who aren't happy to see you at all. Glares and silent, judging stares if you're lucky, torches and pitchforks attempting to drive you out of the town if you're not. You may need a friend to help you.

SCENARIO THREE

"Seek us out," the voice whispers in your head, and before you have time to question it you've found yourself in someplace entirely alien.

Maybe it's the Fog God's ghostly town of Dyster, where exultant followers dance around bonfires and sing their praises to the skies above. Maybe it's the Fourth God's arcade, with small robots wheeling about amidst the lights and colors of old pinball machines.

Only one thing is certain: you are not alone, in this sacred place.

SCENARIO FOUR

The time has come and you've found yourself becoming a monster. Is the change instant, or gradual? Are you familiar enough with monsters to know what's happening, or is it a complete shock? Feel free to pick any monster type for this prompt, but note that you may not get the same one in game.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Well, that sure was a dude just ripping his shirt open, that was fine. At least he wasn't no-clipping out of his shirt like apparently Majima could somehow do, he had to unbutton the thing like a normal, physics-abiding person.]

Uh, you probably won't know for another month or so?

[Because hey, it seemed right to at least stop and give this soon-to-be monster some general monster advice? Someone had to be the welcome wagon, and maybe it was Tim's turn today.]

Sorry to interrupt your monster monologue or whatever. Have you had the whole, y'know, rundown?

Sort of, I --

[ If Tim was waiting for the end of that sentence, he'd be waiting for some time, because Laios had looked up to address him and now his eyes were filled with stars. Just gonna stand here with his shirt hanging open. ]

A minotaur! A male one... wow, you're...

[ Tim looked significantly smaller than the last minotaur(s) he'd encountered? Also he was kind of a minotaur in reverse, with a human face, but maybe he just wasn't that far along. Or maybe -- ]

Are you a miniature breed?

Am I a what.

[Okay.]

[Okay, there was a lot to unpack in that sentence and Tim really just wanted to burn the whole suitcase and walk away but like. He was in this conversation now. This was what he got for trying to help somebody out.]

Come on, I'm not a dog, I don't have a breed. What breed of human are you?

[Tim also kind of looked down at himself, like. Okay, he wasn't the tallest person around, he wasn't quite six feet and while that usually didn't bother him...]

And I'm. I'm not that short?

[ Laios didn't understand what he'd said wrong, but when did he ever? WHEN. DID HE EVER. ]

Oh, uh... most races call me a tallman? Or a long-legs, I guess that's about the same thing... [ It was not the same thing. ]

I'm sorry, it's just that the last minotaurs I saw were about three times as tall. They're really imposing monsters!

[ Let's just say Laios was six feet tall because who fucking knows. Anyway, he seemed to be drinking in all of Tim's myriad bovine features: the tail, the ears, the hooves. He also cast the occasional glance down at the bullman's chest, although he was trying to be smooth about it and failing. ]

[Tim actually wasn't sure if this guy was fucking with him or not. Like, was this some bullshit, with the whole tallman thing? If so, fuck you, man, you're only like an inch or two taller than Tim. 'Tallman', he could eat Tim's entire cow ass.]

[Or the guy's just an idiot, that's possible too. Hard to tell.]

They're... wait, really? [Wait, was Tim supposed to get taller as a minotaur? He'd only met like one other minotaur before, and that one had been a teenager.] Are they. Are you sure they're supposed to be that tall?

[Holy shit, Tim was shook. Like, truly Shook.]

Oh my god, am I a miniature minotaur?

Yes? Actually, the ones I met were female, so I'd imagine you'd be a bit larger than them.

[ Poor Tim, deprived of his glorious minotauritude. Probably. ]

They're incredibly strong, too, but I'm sure you know all about that.

[ GOsh, Laios was just so stoked here, getting to talk to all these monSTERs and being able to converse with them about what it was like. As confusing as this place was, that was never something he could have experienced back home. It was like getting to meet Izutsumi all over again, and speaking of which -- ]

...Could I trouble you to take off your shirt?

[Okay, now that he was getting over the shock of the fact that he possibly should be like fifteen feet tall, some logic was setting in. That would suck. He would hit his horns on so many doorframes, it would be an actual nightmare. Nothing here was built to accommodate someone that big, how would he fit in chairs? Beds? Everything would have to be custom-built for him and it'd be awful.]

...Man, that must suck for all those minotaur? Like, even if I'm miniature or whatever, at least I'm person-sized. I can still fit on a bed and not brain myself on doors, and--

[Wait what was that last part?]

Um.

[Okay, usually he only got those kinds of comments from someone like Taako, who just had no shame about asking to see his tits, or Majima, who didn't have to ask to see him in various states of undress.]

Look, you, uh. You seem like a nice person? [Read: a weirdo.] But, um, I'm not on the market. Sorry?

[ Look, Tim. He wasn't a monsterfucker, okay? In fact, Laios put up his hands. 'Not on the market'? Did that mean Tim was seeing someone? Probably another minotaur, right? Then again, there really didn't seem to be many of them around... ]

Oh, no, not like that! I just wanted to count your nipples.

[ It was fine. It was just a Laios thing. Just like do a dude a solid and let him count your nips Tim. ]

I feel like we're having two really different conversations right now.

[Tim lost control of this conversation at some point, and he wasn't exactly sure where but this sure was a train derailment right here. Just an absolute wreckage of a normal human interaction. Or, well, human-monster interaction, whatever.]

I, why? Why would you want to do that? Why is that a thing that you'd ask a person? [He regret ever stopping to try to help this guy. What the fuck? What the fuck????] Do you ask everybody how, how many nipples they have?

Of course not. [ C'mon Tim, everyone knew humans only had two nip nops, what would be the point of that? Answer: none.

Humans were boring. Boring nip nops. ]

But monsters like minotaurs have some humanoid features and some bovine parts. For instance, did you know female minotaurs have four teats, like a cow? I was just wondering if the same was true for males.

[ God he sounded so cheerful and low-key excited about this, like this was a learning opportunity and why wouldn't Tim want to get on this curiosity voyage??

There was no one from his party to fucking sTOP him either. ]

[That's not true, some people had extra nip nops. It was a thing, they were called accessory nipples or something, expand your horizons, Laios!!]

[Tim, however, had not experienced such a creeping existential dread as he did the moment that Laios informed him that minotaur, at least in his weirdly extensive experience, had four tits. Like a cow. And now Tim couldn't get the question out of his head-- had Athena had four tits? Would she eventually have had four tits? What did you do with four tits, were there bras out there for that? Did you just Suffer? Would Athena absolutely destroy his ass for thinking about any of this?]

[Only one of those questions had a definitive answer. The last one, and it was yes.]

I. I don't. I don't think it works that way here? God, I hope it doesn't. [Those poor lady minotaur. That just sounded uncomfortable.] I'm not. It's. This is a really invasive question?

[Tim needs an adult.]

TEST DRIVE MEME: SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER

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