graveyardsmash | Test drive meme: November

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Test drive meme: November

TEST DRIVE MEME: NOVEMBER

Welcome to the Ryslig Test Drive Meme! Below are a few prompts to get you started, but you may make up any prompt you desire! Please take a look at the navigation page for rules, setting information, and links to reserves and apps. Have fun!

SCENARIO ONE

You wake up on the beach thoroughly drenched, with your mouth full of sand. The salt water is making all the cuts and scrapes on your skin sting and the sand isn't helping. The air is slightly humid, ruining any feeling of refreshment you might have gotten from your dip in the ocean.

There are lights in the distance, but the unfriendly scent of gunpowder fills the air. If you're lucky, you're alone. If not - you might find yourself staring up into a pair of monstrous eyes or down the barrel of a local's shotgun.

SCENARIO TWO

So you've just arrived, and already some of the natives are trying to get on your good side with offers of food, shelter and other luxuries in return for hoping you don't eat them. They even have some helpful pamphlets to share with you. "How To Deal With Changes", "Alternatives to Human Flesh", "What to Expect When You're Expecting (to turn into a monster)" are all on the more informative end of the scale. There's even some detailing certain monsters, and the changes they go through. Some of these seem to have been passed down from one monster to the next.

Among these however, are some... not so helpful ones. "Bunnyipyips And You", "Axe Thief Axehounds," and "So you're becoming a Fur Bearing Trout" among others. Sometimes they have marks on them from previous readers saying they're lies, or pointing out good "jokes."

Then there are the people who aren't happy to see you at all. Glares and silent, judging stares if you're lucky, torches and pitchforks attempting to drive you out of the town if you're not. You may need a friend to help you.

SCENARIO THREE

"Seek us out," the voice whispers in your head, and before you have time to question it you've found yourself in someplace entirely alien.

Maybe it's the Fog God's ghostly town of Dyster, where exultant followers dance around bonfires and sing their praises to the skies above. Maybe it's the Fourth God's arcade, with small robots wheeling about amidst the lights and colors of old pinball machines.

Only one thing is certain: you are not alone, in this sacred place.

SCENARIO FOUR

The time has come and you've found yourself becoming a monster. Is the change instant, or gradual? Are you familiar enough with monsters to know what's happening, or is it a complete shock? Feel free to pick any monster type for this prompt, but note that you may not get the same one in game.

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O N E; Beach

Monster, huh?

[ The words are barely a whisper above the waves crashing on the shore of the beach, the water washing away the blood staining the sand at the young boy's feet. Malik can feel his body shaking, hands balled into fists at his side, but against the freezing cold he's nowhere near dressed for or due to the blood dripping down from his hands, he's not sure.

Everything happened so fast.

What had woken him hadn't been the pain throughout his body, nor the near-freezing water biting all around him. Those things were trivial in comparison to the sound of a gun being cocked right by his head. His reflexes had kicked in before he gave himself time to stop and think, he was in pain, he was in unfamiliar surroundings and he was in danger, and those were the only things processing as he twisted out of the way, snatched a particularly sharp shell or rock fragment, whatever it may have been, and embedded it in the stranger's juggler.

It was only when wide, terrified eyes were staring up at him as warm blood spilled over his freezing skin that he registered what had just happened, what he'd done, and the fact that the looming threat that had been about to shoot him was an elderly farmer of some sort, no harm to anyone, just an old fool with an old gun. ]

"M-Mon..ster..."

[ The old man's last words, choked around mouthfuls of his own blood, were what finally snapped Malik out of it and had him let go of the body, and stare silently as the man bled out and died at his feet, shotgun laying now harmless at his side. The waves were still coming in, lapping at the body, taking away from the scene, so Malik did what seemed like the best course of action, and picked up the old man's body to throw further out into the waves. Maybe it'll wash up somewhere down the shore, where someone can find it long after he's away from the area.

Which leaves Malik to where he now stands, overlooking cresting waves and making a pretty sore sight. Just a teenage boy in a sleeveless hoodie, khol eyeliner smudged and covered in sand and blood, shivering, sore, cut up and wondering what the hell is going on. ]

T W O; Village

[ As it turns out, people don't appreciate someone killing an old man who'd been sent out on guard patrol. The town Malik had found his way to hadn't exactly been the most welcoming, not with the blood on his hands and the fact that the man they had sent off in that direction hadn't returned when this new kid showed up. But despite the glares and the hissed curses as he passed, he thought it odd most people seemed more inclined to be nice to him rather than have him lynched for his crimes. They could do it, easily, he was in no condition to be fighting anyone beyond a panicked fight or flight instinct, but he wasn't about to tell them that.

So for the moment, there's a young boy who while he looks pretty miserable, he's settled in like a king or a foreign prince, bundled in as many pillows, blankets and quilts as he could get the townspeople to come off of without feeling like too much of a dick about it and glowering at anything that passes him by. As if purple eyes and blond hair sticking out of a pile of blankets is in any way threatening whatsoever. The locals seem to think so at least, and that's all that matters for the time being while he tries to decide if he really wants to read these pamphlets they keep shoving around him or not. There's a pile of them next to his blanket nest that's settled next to a fire, but getting them would require getting out, and no, he's good for now thanks. ]

T H R E E; Wildcard

[ Malik is not even remotely dressed for any of this bullshit, feel free to encounter or accost him anywhere with anything you can think of. Even if it's just to admire the fact that this teenage pretty boy is walking around wearing over thirty pounds in solid gold jewelry at least. ]

[Noa isn't nearly aware of the events that lead to Malik being covered in blood at the beach of Vandare. He's too busy dealing with everything else- organizing the volunteers from the lab, making sure the cannisters of hot chocolate to dispense are ready, plus blankets and similar for the obvious moment where people poorly dressed arrive...

And speaking of that, it is a teenage boy poorly dressed and covered with sand, frost, and blood, that he finds.

Noa isn't the most friendly of first- or second- encounters of course. No larger than any other cheetah would be, the fact that he has massive scarlet and gold wings folded at his sides (a blend, Malik may perhaps catch- a blend of Osiris the Sky Dragon...and the Winged Dragon of Ra), and a very, very long tail ended in barbs and thorns is enough to make the cat a threatening sight.

...The mop of green hair and the face that could easily be a younger Kaiba...well. Maybe not threatening in that case, but regardless.

Noa doesn't like to waste time.] Hnnn....well aren't you the unfortunate one, [He remarks- his voice echoing between adult and child, wisps of fog curling at his feet from beneath the 'cat coat' he has on.]

...How well can you walk?

[ The creature that approaches him reminds him of a Duel Monster if anything, one clearly pandering to Kaiba himself in some way or another while also mocking everything about him and his beliefs regarding everything Egyptian being nonsense. Something maybe Isis would have had a hand in making, or at the very least approved of.

And perhaps it's those thoughts and that comparison that has it so he's not even remotely concerned when this strange creature approaches him, unlike the fight or flight reflex that caused the death of the old farmer. Then again, he had felt it from the farmer, that murderous intent, laced with fear he hadn't noticed at the time, while this stranger offered no more ill will about his approach than any other animal or person passing by.

The voice is unexpected and has him wondering just what the hell he's gotten himself into, but it's also mildly insulting to insinuate he'd be unable to handle himself just because his appearance is a bit haggard at the moment. ]

It takes more than a few scrapes to incapacitate me, I'm fine.

[ He pauses, considering, weighing his options and the likelihood he's ended up ass backward in some strange experiment by assholes with too much time on their hands-but it's odd and odd enough to be familiar so he has to ask. ]

Kaiba?

[ Not the dragon-fucker, but maybe someone related to him somehow. Or at least familiar with the name if he's a computer program. ]

....

..Heh- [Well, that certainly draws pause. His tail stops its idle sway, eyebrows raised but slightly as he slowly determines which point to response to first.

...

He'll stick with Business.] ...Hn. It's not the cuts- you would have washed ashore, in what is northern european winter weather. Early, grant you, [He admits with a shrug, or as best as a cat can do,] but wintery weather all the same. I have volunteers with hot drinks and blankets, as well as doctors, up ahead for that.

New arrivals are...at least somewhat predictable, in terms of the 'when', [He 'explains' slightly. ...Also.]

...As for 'Kaiba'.... [He wrinkles his large, absolutely cat-like nose.] ...I sincerely hope you're not another person thinking of a certain 'Kaiba Corporation' CEO....

[ Kaiba-lookalike wasn't expecting that, that much is obvious and noted, not nearly as confident as Seto Kaiba. But that's not always a bad thing, maybe this lookalike's more tolerable. Weirder stuff has happened. ]

Really? I hadn't noticed.

[ For all the sarcastic spite behind the implication of the words, they come out as almost interested, as if he hadn't actually noticed his own unfortunate circumstances despite it being literally impossible not to notice.

Or maybe he's just gone numb already, his limbs do feel a bit heavier than usual. But, he still couldn't say for certain if it really were the cold seizing him up, or the paranoia that his careless slaughter would awaken something far worse inside him.

Either way, he feels detached from the situation as a whole, it almost doesn't seem real. The Virtual Reality mishap hasn't entirely been ruled out just yet. ]

This happens often then?

[ Often enough to have search teams combing the area with hot cocoa and blankets, which, now that he thinks of it, does sound like an amazing idea right about now.

He shakes his head, half to shake out the sand still itching in his hair, and half in idle amusement at the obvious distaste for Kaiba. Can't blame the creature. ]

It's easy to forget he has a job as a CEO, what with how often he's shoving his head up the Pharaoh's ass. But, you do look a lot like him, on top of being composed of everything he hates.

[ Malik quirks a bit of a smile, again thinking of how his sister would approve. ]

You're basically a walking insult to him, and I was wondering if that was intentional if you were a program or if it's divine irony here to make this situation lighter.

Yes, yes, well... [Noa for his part seems relatively immune to sarcasm- he pads over and starts using those wings of his- which seem as mobile as hands, impossibly enough- to try and gently usher the other toward those resources.]

People arrive every two months on average, from various locations of time, realm, and so forth...even if they last recall dying. As for Seto...

...Hnnn, yes, that one Was supposedly a pharaoh wasn't he... [he mutters to himself, before shaking free of the thought.] Right. The resemblance is...noteworthy, given he and his brother were the adopted ones...

I've learnes to nip the matter in the bud rather than bother with being irritated, [he huffs.] I can hardly fault a population for coming to know the one who remodeled one of their strongest arms dealers better than the predecessor's deceased child.

...but I assure you. This is quite real. ....though I'm not sure why my changes took that route... [he grumbles, frowning.] ...No matter.

No one from outside Ryslig remains human long, so who knows..! You could be the next spit in his dear absent face...

[ Malik allows himself to be lead by the other, finding no reason to resist as he takes in the new information. He does recall something about Kaiba's step-father having a biological son, but he'd thought the reports said the kid died. But, as he says, people come to this world even if they last recall dying, so that answers any lingering questions he may have had on the matter.

No, there's something more important for him to focus on, even as his hands finally seem to have enough movement in them to bring them up around himself, a poor shield against the biting cold he notices that much more now that he's no longer standing around like a statue. If he huddles a little closer to the wings guiding him than necessary, so what. ]

So, I take it the locals don't appreciate these people showing up and turning into monsters all over the place.

[ He feels less guilty, knowing that. Regardless of how he would have acted differently, there was still the chance the old farmer would have shot him in cold blood, just to prevent what he could become. It would be the smart move to make, and he was perfectly justified in reacting the way he did. No one would fault him for it, everything's still fine. He's still in control. ]

[The wings are warm at least- and it's not a long walk either, various human figures in coats and scarfs bustling about at tables ahead. Noa gives a bitter snort at Malik's question, quite familiar with the answer.]

They certainly don't, though one can't blame them. We unfortunately top them in the food pyramid...at an obligate position for that matter.

[Which is to say...monsters eat people. Whether monsters want to or not.]

Makes sense.

[ People always fear what's above them, regardless of whether or not it had its sights set on them for its next meal or just happened to be passing through. The world's always been a disgusting, every man for himself type place, and here seems to be no different.

Malik's quick to snatch up the first blanket he sees and wrap it around himself, idly gesturing to some of the bite and scratch marks up one of his arms as he does so. ]

Does everyone end up like this, or was I the lucky one?

[ A weremonster situation, maybe. He can't remember where he got the injuries from, but some are very clearly bite marks, and if the old monster books he read are even remotely accurate, that leads to a chance of infection himself. ]

Ahh- someone who thinks realistically. You wouldn't believe how many people have simply demanded this 'can't be', [hhe huffs, a somewhat elderly human offering Malik a paper cup with hot chocolate in it.]

It depends though, on what you mean by...'this'. Anyone who isn't originally from this place arrives without warning and over time becomes a 'monster', one of a little over 20 known types. ...Not everyone arrives in late November, freezing and covered in someone else's blood, [he adds with a dry smirk.]

People are ignorant on the best of days.

[ He's never liked people, not as a whole. A person here and there surprises his low expectations for humanity, but overall, they're an annoyance. ]

I woke up with a gun to my face, it's the old man's own fault he ended up in the ocean.

[ The slightly defensive mutter is under his breath and muffled into the hot chocolate he drinks a little too much too fast, ignoring the way it burned slightly. He thinks he needs that bit of pain to shock the numbness in his limbs away. After finishing off the first cup, he moves to a second one and takes this at a bit more of a normal pace. ]

I meant does everyone you know of wake up with bite and scratch marks on them, I don't remember having these injuries before I got here. And, if that's the case, then does that mean it's the bites that are spreading the monster infection to new arrivals. And how long do the changes take to start?

[ It's good to know there are different kinds other than a chimera, he had been slightly concerned over looking that much like a Duel Monster, but not too much so to be overly concerned. And if he's going to start changing, he'd like a heads up on the matter. This is apparently no a Virtual Reality simulation, and in that case, Malik needs all the information he can gather for himself. Information is always power, to some degree or another. ]

Hmmm...the ocean? ....I might just look for that later... [he mutters. A few volunteers trade looks- the sort one would trade when thinking about how SOMEONE must have done the DUMBEST thing, Oh Well.

Noa looks over the scratches however and makes a 'hmm' sort of sound.] Mn- yes, that's everyone. Various cuts, scrapes, bites...you should notice that some are already scabbing over, actually.

[ The volunteers are pointedly ignored, despite Malik knowing exactly who and what they're referring to and not being amused even the least bit by it. It's not like he had many options to work with when he was panicked and confused. ]

Haven't had time to check, none of them were serious, so they weren't worth individual attention yet.

[ Once he gets cleaned up, then he'll worry about just what the hell marks are where. At least there's none under his shirt, thank the Gods for small miracles. ]

So, what happens now?

[ He's hoping the answer involves a scalding hot shower. ]

Mmm none should be...

...As it is what's important is finding some way to get you a spot to stay. Follow me, [he insists, trotting toward a nearby building.] This is best discussed indoors.

[ Malik isn't about to complain at the chance to get out of the cold, so he follows Kaiba-chimera into the building. ]

So, every couple months, people show up here from other realities and times, and over time become monsters that feed on the residents who either want us dead or are smart enough to listen to us to save their own hides, does that about sum up our current situation?

[They enter what appears to be the rented space of a cafe. Noa quickly seats himself upon a cheap folding chair, inviting the other to do the same. He balks, however slightly, at how Malik puts things.]

While correct in the matter of the first part, I would not put it so starkly from there. We are a very small population compared to their own. The very fact that so many are able to accept us as part of society at all is impressive- we appeared from nowhere, and to say all victims of our sort are deserving...well. It would be naive.

It is not a matter of them listening. It is a matter of them allowing lions to walk among them, trusting that they will not be devoured next. There is little else they can do, after all... [he points out slowly.] ...Given that to kill us only guarantees We return within the month.

[ Malik listens intently as he settles into his own chair, holding his blanket tight around his shoulders as he debates the argument presented.

However, it still says only one thing to him. ]

It doesn't matter how few of us we are, you just made my case for me. Massive creatures compared to wild animals, feeding on humans, immortal, for the most part. It doesn't matter if there were two or twenty of them, that alone would be enough to devour an entire island of primitive people who don't have nukes to deal with the problem effectively.

No matter how nice they seem, there has to be resentment and fear there. They only treat us well in hopes they won't be eaten themselves. It's likely not out of kindness or acceptance, but out of their own senses of self-preservation that have them being even remotely kind to the ones who could and likely have turned on them at any given moment. Like how lower mortals give favor and kindness to their Gods in order to pacify them and hope for favor among them. Same concept. Give the ones above you whatever they want so you're not next.

[ The old man with the gun and the volunteers, they're all Malik's seen of other people around the island, and while he hasn't been around them enough to judge each individual's reasonings, he knows the human brain better than anyone. Knows the darkness in people's hearts, the fears and hate most are too cowardly to say aloud. He doesn't buy this goodwill crap for a second. ]

[Noa doesn't like what he's hearing.

He doesn't like what he's hearing at all.] Incorrect.

And before you insist upon the 'realities' of human nature, keep in mind, who has been here for years beyond yourself, [He adds, the echoed voice he bears bringing a chill.] There are numerous here, who are kind without the edge of 'appeasement'. Those who understand that indeed, they could live their last day and become someone's meal, yet have no regrets regarding their contributions to our lives here. They view us as people, and treat us as such.

[He leans in, narrowing his eyes.] But more than that, do not be so bold as to raise yourself to the level of even a 'godling'- we were brought here by a god who absolutely speaks, and it would be wise not to waste that lording over the people around us.

Such acts end...Hollow.

[ Great. A Kaiba with as much faith in people as Yugi. Just what he needed today. ]

What you're implying is everyone in this world is kind, caring, trusting good people who believe in the best of everyone and do things out of the kindness of their hearts that reach out to these poor creatures that came across them and are willing to give all of them the benefit of the doubt-I hate to burst your bubble, but unless this whole place is lobotomized, that's not how things work.

[ It's naive, sickeningly so, to think such a large amount of people would be so selfless and kind for no reason other than for the sake of it. That's just not how the world works. ]

I don't care how long you've been here, can you read their thoughts at every given moment? Can you look deep into their hearts, see their darkest desires and deepest fears, see and hear everything they don't say aloud because it's not the 'proper' thing to say. Do you really know them well enough to swear they are what they appear to be?

[ Whatever creature he becomes, he silently hopes it's one with abilities similar to those he had with the Rod, if only for exposing the people around here for what they truly are.

But he waves a hand from under his blanket at the poorly veiled threat, dismissing the concerns. ]

I've had my time in the spotlight ruling as Master, and I'm not too eager to return anytime soon, so don't worry about that.

[He almost starts with 'are you an idiot.'] ...In what reality is 'not all' going to mean the opposite of what you're saying? There's such a thing called a middle ground, [he scoffs.] My point isn't to lump all of your faith into the idea that you won't be dealing with an irritating piece of shoe scum- the point is that it's better to treat them as human beings instead of flaunting your power over them like some sort of show pony, [he insists, looking absolutely revolted by the idea.]

I certainly can't read their thoughts- nor can you, [Noa continues.] And I can absolutely say that I've seen the darkness that people are capable of, long before coming here, [he hisses.

Yet...he does visibly relax, as much as he's rolling his eyes.] You don't especially sound like you are, speaking like that...it's one thing to act as though anyone could be holding a dagger behind their back, it's another to imply that you should be treated as 'godly'...I've had quite enough of doing that, myself... [He mutters, pulling a face so vile it reveals the fact that his mouth doesn't end at the corners of his apparent lips. More than likely, it's an ear to ear limit.]

I spent years reading and controlling the minds of people, good or bad, whatever they considered themselves and saw them for what they truly were. So excuse me if I refuse to take anything anyone says at face value. They're all the same, all selfish, looking out for their own interests while pretending to give a shit about others.

[ Malik's seen far too much to believe anything but that, and no amount of friendship and faith speeches will ever change that about him. But he huffs, settling in more in his chair as he pulls the blanket tighter around himself. ]

We're not here to debate the human psyche, are we? I'm not delusional, not anymore, but I was making an observation regarding human nature as it dates back thousands of years. A human sees something more powerful than them as a god, regardless of whether or not it is or whether or not it thinks it is. They will always fear anything that they know can destroy them, and they will try and pacify it in whatever way they can to continue living peacefully. No matter how kind the actions may seem, in the end, they're doing it for themselves more than anything.

Hn! And I 'was' the internet, among most other things connected to surveillance feeds world-wide. [He got a lot more of people's thoughts. Far more. More than he ever needed to know.]

There are certainly many, many selfish sorts...but there are also those who are honestly kind- the point, [He notes,] Is that you won't be able to tell.

[He narrows his eyes though.] ...Interesting though, I might just know who you are now...

And be that as it may, [He remarks dryly,] There are also humans who see lions as 'cuddly friendly pussy cats' and happen to know what not to do to piss one off. Ergo, we have those who see the 'powerful' and see not a God, but simply 'something with power that they might get along with'.

[He shrugs.] Do you see yourself in that category then? Someone who fears what they know will destroy them? [He asks, perhaps a little amused.]

[ Noa isn't wrong, as much as Malik wishes he were. There will always be those odd-ball types, the ones who would put others ahead of themselves in any situation, no matter how dangerous or stupid it may be.

He doesn't need to tell him he's right, because the disgruntled look as he remembers how much trouble Jou and Yugi gave him is telling enough. But the expression passes swiftly, replaced by a sardonic sort of smile. ]

Malik Ishtar, founder and former leader of the Ghouls. I wouldn't have done the things I did if I didn't know what it felt like to fear those above you. I was just one of the ones who took that fear and turned it into something far worse.

[ A darkness deep inside himself, a fracture of his soul, forever tainted black by his own design. Even now, he's now sure just how detached from that part of himself he really is. ]

Hate. Anger. Instead of allowing myself to be destroyed, I wanted to destroy everything that caused that fear in the first place. I'll be the first to admit I messed up because I was a kid, and I was afraid, so I warped everything around me to fit what I wanted it to be and burned down the rest.

[ Malik's never claimed to be a good person, or even a healthy or mentally stable one. He's a mess on a good day and he knows it, all it does is make him feel more justified in judging the rest of the world, because he's no better than they are. ]

[Noa has had time to...adjust, one could say. A lot of time.

It helps that he had the capacity to feel bad about his actions in the first place, honestly. His only reaction to Malik's introduction seems to be slight interest however- the twitch of his ear, and a slight inclination of his head.] Aaaahhh....I see.

I, I will admit, did not have...fear, behind my actions, [He hums, staring to the table despite holding his head upward.] ...Superiority... ...When I died at the age of ten, my father sought to preserve all he could- I was thus 'uploaded' to a computer system. To be a machine meant to lose what made me human- emotions became the semblance of emotion, so on, so forth...

...I had the need to regain 'life' and prove myself worthy to my father, and that need not only drove him away but drove me to nearly end all life on that planet.... [...He says it so. Casually. Ah. Well.] ...not that he deserved to be a pedestal in the first place... [Mutter mutter, grumble grumble?]

Well, regardless, [The cat huffs, shaking himself.] We're both here- find something that grounds you, and you'll do fine. What I wanted to show you was options in temporary housing- though a few places extend to permanent as needed.

The point is that it's bed and board- and food for that matter- until you can find something for yourself here. Which would you prefer? City life, or countryside? There are 'options', [he notes, smirking.]

[ Malik listens intently because while he had grasped bits and pieces of Noa's story just from what he'd known of reports from around the time he died, it was nothing like this.

The semblance of emotion, huh? In his mind, Malik can see a dial. Set at perfect zero, there are stability and normality, what a child is supposed to be. You turn the emotions down, and you get cold calculations of what should be expected and failing to understand when things aren't following the logical path. But, if you twist it the opposite way, burn it in flames instead of freezing it in steel, you get a burst of emotion, too many to handle, a fracture, cracking and breaking until there are only bits and pieces of raging emotions left over fighting over each other for dominance.

His emotion... What happened to it? Malik shifts a little uncomfortably in his chair, as if it's only now occurring to him, thanks to that comparison, that he couldn't remember why his sister had her points in believing in the best of human nature. She had taught him that, hadn't she? So why is it now, in this place, he couldn't give a damn about anyone beyond the bare minimum he has to have for himself? ]

It's a boy's natural instinct to want the approval of his father, no matter how he treats him.

[ He sometimes wishes he didn't know that from experience, but he does, more than anything.

But on the matter of finding a place to stay, he doesn't even need to think about his answer. ]

A city, preferably one on the level of Domino, if there are any around here. Tall buildings and long open roads-Are there motorcycles here?

[ Despite the freezing chill, the blood and sand he just knows he's going to be unable to get out for days to come, Malik perks up like a little kid the moment he realizes there may be a very slim possibility this place wouldn't be entirely awful. If there was enough open space, and he could get his hands on a bike, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad. And if he becomes some giant monster or whatever, who cares? He'll figure a way around it, he knows he can. ]

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Test drive meme: November

Malik Ishtar || Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters

ONE...SORT OF??

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