graveyardsmash | Test drive meme: November

TEST DRIVE MEME: NOVEMBER

Welcome to the Ryslig Test Drive Meme! Below are a few prompts to get you started, but you may make up any prompt you desire! Please take a look at the navigation page for rules, setting information, and links to reserves and apps. Have fun!

SCENARIO ONE

You wake up on the beach thoroughly drenched, with your mouth full of sand. The salt water is making all the cuts and scrapes on your skin sting and the sand isn't helping. The air is slightly humid, ruining any feeling of refreshment you might have gotten from your dip in the ocean.

There are lights in the distance, but the unfriendly scent of gunpowder fills the air. If you're lucky, you're alone. If not - you might find yourself staring up into a pair of monstrous eyes or down the barrel of a local's shotgun.

SCENARIO TWO

So you've just arrived, and already some of the natives are trying to get on your good side with offers of food, shelter and other luxuries in return for hoping you don't eat them. They even have some helpful pamphlets to share with you. "How To Deal With Changes", "Alternatives to Human Flesh", "What to Expect When You're Expecting (to turn into a monster)" are all on the more informative end of the scale. There's even some detailing certain monsters, and the changes they go through. Some of these seem to have been passed down from one monster to the next.

Among these however, are some... not so helpful ones. "Bunnyipyips And You", "Axe Thief Axehounds," and "So you're becoming a Fur Bearing Trout" among others. Sometimes they have marks on them from previous readers saying they're lies, or pointing out good "jokes."

Then there are the people who aren't happy to see you at all. Glares and silent, judging stares if you're lucky, torches and pitchforks attempting to drive you out of the town if you're not. You may need a friend to help you.

SCENARIO THREE

"Seek us out," the voice whispers in your head, and before you have time to question it you've found yourself in someplace entirely alien.

Maybe it's the Fog God's ghostly town of Dyster, where exultant followers dance around bonfires and sing their praises to the skies above. Maybe it's the Fourth God's arcade, with small robots wheeling about amidst the lights and colors of old pinball machines.

Only one thing is certain: you are not alone, in this sacred place.

SCENARIO FOUR

The time has come and you've found yourself becoming a monster. Is the change instant, or gradual? Are you familiar enough with monsters to know what's happening, or is it a complete shock? Feel free to pick any monster type for this prompt, but note that you may not get the same one in game.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

A drink honestly sounds like the best thing that Tim's heard all day. He could use so many drinks, he really kind of wants to just get a bottle of whiskey and lay face-down on the floor somewhere and drink until he passes out and wakes up back where he's supposed to be. Getting absolutely shitfaced has never solved any of his problems before, and probably won't now, but it's worth a shot, right?

And then there's that last part, where Tim's like 99% sure that Jack just offered to buy him a prostitute. Like, 'can I offer you a nice hooker in these trying times?' Which is... what the fuck, Jack?

"What? No! I mean, yeah, I'll have a drink, but no, I don't want to get a prostitute."

He definitely doesn't want to get a prostitute with Jack. That would be weird and Jack has made comments in the past that make Tim deeply uncomfortable with and he's not entirely sure that Jack wouldn't want to like... watch. Or something.

"Hey, suit yourself! It always calms me down, but whatever. Word of advice, though, do as much wild oat sowing as you can this month, buddy! Cause once you start changing...I mean, you could wake up a giant spider with tentacles in a few weeks, so..."

Jack shrugs. It happens. Not everybody is as lucky as him, with all his parts basically the same shape and where they've always been. Honestly, he doesn't even know if Number Two has a sex life to speak of. He should considering he's Handsome Jack #2, but Handsome Jack would never turn down a free hooker.

Maybe somebody needs some occupational training.

"But help yourself to whatever booze I got. I can't do drinks or food or anything like that anymore. But electricity does the trick - grabbed some lithium batteries from work, those should mess me up real good!"

Tim's sex life didn't really improve with the addition of Jack's face-- sure, women were way more interested in him post-surgery than when he had red hair and freckles, but he's also contractually obligated to act like Jack, too. And apparently there are women who are into that, but it had felt... weird and disingenuous and it's probably because Tim is sentimental and all that bullshit. Jack would make fun of him for it, undoubtedly.

And, anyway, once he started doing the whole body-double thing and running around on Elpis, there wasn't any time for dating. Eyes on the prize or whatever, he had been too busy to try to pick up women. And even if he probably would have the time now, he wants exactly zero help from Jack in that department. Jack is the worst wingman, Tim knows this deep in his soul.

"Uh, yeah, thanks?"

Tim's not really entirely sure that he likes the idea of getting shitfaced with his boss, because hanging with Jack is like the bottom of the list of ways he likes to spend his evenings, but. He also kind of doesn't know anyone else here? So sticking with Jack may be his best bet for surviving, too, at least until he knows how this place works a little better.

"So, um. Where do you live, exactly?"

"Just a couple blocks from here. I got a place in Bavan and a place in Vandare." Since he realized it was pretty easy to just find someone who lives alone, kill them, and take over their house.

"Vandare's more my kinda place, but...ehhhh. Not as cool with monster types. Plus there's work commute - I can go and go without getting tired, which is pretty sweet, but if I wanna get to work on time I gotta take the friggin bus and...I'm just not a public transit kinda guy. But I got a guestroom, so that's good news for you. It's kinda crappy, I haven't done anything with it yet, but do what you want."

The houses he has now are just places to stay while he gets his feet under himself and gathers his plans.

"Oh, and stay outta the garage. That's my little...projects space."

Tim honestly can't imagine Jack ever taking a bus. It's just... wrong, a square peg in a round hole. Jack's all about the conspicuous consumption, having the fanciest things and the newest tech, so having to get around by public transit or on foot must be a blow to his ego.

And just about every fiber of Tim's being is telling him not to accept Jack's so generous offer of a guest bedroom-- not just because he doesn't want to live with Jack, even if only temporarily, but also because everything he knows about Jack is telling him that this is some kind of trap. He's not sure how, but Jack doesn't just like... do nice things out of the goodness of his heart. There's always an angle.

But he also doesn't have anywhere else to go, which sucks.

"Uh, yeah, okay?" He honestly probably wouldn't have even thought to look in the garage if Jack hadn't mentioned it. "I'll try not to be a bother for too long."

Basically, get his own damn place ASAP.

"A bother? What, you think I'm just gonna let you mooch off me? You're working for your keep, I'm still your boss."

Different dimension or no, a contract was signed. The exact details aren't important. Besides, every inch of Other Jack's perfectly sculpted body belongs to Jack - he'd paid for it all.

"You can keep the house clean - I've got way too much other stuff to do to keep up with that." And he can't hire a housekeeper yet - humans want a lot of money to work for a monster. He's gotta save up, you don't make money by spending a ton of it. "And you're responsible for food and shit like that, I don't eat or drink or anything anymore. Here, we're turning right. The house is down here. I haven't had time to redecorate it yet."

God, of course. Of course he's going to have to be Jack's housekeeper, because he can't go around killing people for him anymore. Is it weird that he'd rather be running around on Elpis or Pandora? At least then he wouldn't have to actually pick up after his boss and could just ignore his ECHOs and play it off as being busy. Sure, getting shot at sucks, but so does this.

And there's this little question, too-- if Tim made a contract through Hyperion, and Hyperion doesn't exist anymore, does the contract still exist too?

"Yeah... sure."

Does he sound less than thrilled? Yeah, no shit he does. God, he's getting a real job as soon as he can so that he can get enough cash to be literally anywhere else but right under Jack's thumb.

Test drive meme: November

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