graveyardsmash | Test drive meme: November

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Test drive meme: November

TEST DRIVE MEME: NOVEMBER

Welcome to the Ryslig Test Drive Meme! Below are a few prompts to get you started, but you may make up any prompt you desire! Please take a look at the navigation page for rules, setting information, and links to reserves and apps. Have fun!

SCENARIO ONE

You wake up on the beach thoroughly drenched, with your mouth full of sand. The salt water is making all the cuts and scrapes on your skin sting and the sand isn't helping. The air is slightly humid, ruining any feeling of refreshment you might have gotten from your dip in the ocean.

There are lights in the distance, but the unfriendly scent of gunpowder fills the air. If you're lucky, you're alone. If not - you might find yourself staring up into a pair of monstrous eyes or down the barrel of a local's shotgun.

SCENARIO TWO

So you've just arrived, and already some of the natives are trying to get on your good side with offers of food, shelter and other luxuries in return for hoping you don't eat them. They even have some helpful pamphlets to share with you. "How To Deal With Changes", "Alternatives to Human Flesh", "What to Expect When You're Expecting (to turn into a monster)" are all on the more informative end of the scale. There's even some detailing certain monsters, and the changes they go through. Some of these seem to have been passed down from one monster to the next.

Among these however, are some... not so helpful ones. "Bunnyipyips And You", "Axe Thief Axehounds," and "So you're becoming a Fur Bearing Trout" among others. Sometimes they have marks on them from previous readers saying they're lies, or pointing out good "jokes."

Then there are the people who aren't happy to see you at all. Glares and silent, judging stares if you're lucky, torches and pitchforks attempting to drive you out of the town if you're not. You may need a friend to help you.

SCENARIO THREE

"Seek us out," the voice whispers in your head, and before you have time to question it you've found yourself in someplace entirely alien.

Maybe it's the Fog God's ghostly town of Dyster, where exultant followers dance around bonfires and sing their praises to the skies above. Maybe it's the Fourth God's arcade, with small robots wheeling about amidst the lights and colors of old pinball machines.

Only one thing is certain: you are not alone, in this sacred place.

SCENARIO FOUR

The time has come and you've found yourself becoming a monster. Is the change instant, or gradual? Are you familiar enough with monsters to know what's happening, or is it a complete shock? Feel free to pick any monster type for this prompt, but note that you may not get the same one in game.

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Okay, aside from the fact that Jack calling anyone a best friend is, like, terrifying? Jack would be friends with a demon. The fact that Jack enjoys the company of literal Satanic beings is zero percent surprising, what's really surprising here is that Jack hasn't had demon friends before now.

Equally terrifying? Jack clawing his way back into positions of power. Tim's seen what happens when his boss gets his hands on any little shred of power-- he fights and he schemes and he accumulates more until he can wrestle his way to the top. And Tim doesn't at all doubt that Jack's goal is to get to the very top of whatever hierarchy there is in this place.

And there's a lot of exposition coming hard and fast at Tim right now, so it's a little tough to keep up. But that bit about eating people? Yeah, that's a big ol' pill for Timtams to swallow.

"Wait, wait wait wait," he says. "I'm not even touching the strip club thing. But... they eat people here? Jack, I'm not going to eat anyone!"

Tim's moral compunctions... aren't great these days, mostly out of necessity because there's that little bomb-in-the-face thing that he has to worry about, but cannibalism is a hard line. Tim doesn't feel like that's unreasonable? He feels like he's being very reasonable.

... what?

[Now Nanao looks even more confused. The man tilts his head and now turns to look at Finnick.]

Japanese... as in... where I'm from. Japan. I speak Japanese too. The language. How do you not know what that is?

[He's not sounding any different to Nanao, so... magic or this man's trolling him.]

Nanao gives a small laugh. "Or maybe they're just scared of us and are too scared to cross us. If I've never seen any monsters yet, there's nothing proving that's not true."

Although...

"If we are, maybe that's proof we're humans. As much as anyone else is, right?"

Oh. So that whole... monster party thing isn't just a prank? I was really hoping that everyone was just, y'know, pulling my leg about it. It just seems really impossible?

[Granted, he also was digitized and went inside Claptrap's unconscious mind, so like... maybe this isn't where he should be drawing the line. He's done and seen a lot of impossible things, what's a few more?]

[And he's having a really hard time imagining that he'll actually turn into something terrible himself. He feels fine, after all, and he'd only had a few bumps and bruises after waking up on the beach. He would've noticed if he'd been bitten by a vampire or something, right?]

[Oh, but... this also happened to her. He probably shouldn't be so insensitive.]

Not that... I mean, I'm not trying to like make light of this or anything.

Ed turns up a frown once again. "The environment here isn't exactly the most forgiving, either..." He means the people. The people here aren't the most forgiving. "If I was a monster, I sure as hell wouldn't want to stay here... I guess I'll find out when I get there."

Gradually losing his humanity at the whim of some force outside of his own control isn't the most jarring and horrible thing to possibly happen to him anymore, truthfully. Although that has him thinking now...

He turns to the cute guy next to him, a troubled look on his face. "...hey, do you remember where you were before you came here? What you were doing last?"

Tim's suspicions are right on the money. Jack has plans. He has ambitions.

But currently he's still in the process of changing into a robot, so he's taking his time. Besides, if he sticks with the labs another month, he gets another raise.

"Nah, you don't touch, it's not that kind of strip club. It's classy. But oh, you will eat people! Once a week, probably. It's a monster thing, we all do it. I mean...again, I am a lucky guy. I don't actually eat meat or flesh or people parts, just energy. So I'm not really a filthy cannibal, I'm just a dude with special dietary needs. You...there's a lotta shit that flat out eats people. And you can try and be all 'oh, I will resist!' but then you just go nuts and kill a bunch of people if you don't eat for too long. So get used to the idea now, before you're a bloody mess sprouting fur and wings and shit and all of a sudden that cute little blond on the corner looks more appetizing as dinner than someone to have sex with and you snap and go on a murder spree. They....aren't as cool about that stuff here as they are back home."

Which is a bitch. Human authorities don't seem to mess with monsters, but there's that weird bitchy dude who tries to come off as smart and his stupid monster jail. He doesn't want to have to bail Number Two out of monster jail.

[A bright yellow, slimy, middle aged man stands before him. He looks... exceptionally blank.

Maybe that's just how his face is . It's slightly elongated at the front, almost like a muzzle, and what at first appears to be his nose is actually his mouth.

His fin-like ears flutter, and he sounds fairly distressed when he speaks despite a clear attempt at enthusiasm.]

Maaaaaaybe that's because you haven't quite got it down, huh, champ? Raw food is just not the same.

I bet what you need is to find a good restaurant and chow down on a nice, juicy steak. Once you try something that good, believe me, you will not be able to stop. All that chewing, swallowing, saliva... boy, you have no idea what you've been missing. Those are some of the best parts!

[He chuckles nervously, wringing his hands together. He'd been told this was what happened here, but actually seeing it? It's gross. There's no way he's going to cut it living like this.]

The truth of the matter is that it isn't so much the killing people for sustenance bit that bothers Kaph, so much as the idea of actually eating the meat. But he can tell this is the kind of guy who might not take kindly to an honest explanation, and he likes having some leeway in his relationships with people, so for the moment, he just nods noncommittally.

"Do I remember? Of course!" He wasn't doing anything exciting - he'd just gone to bed. But he can spice up the details! "I mean, you don't just forget a place like mine. Sure, maybe some would say it's too big for just one man, but I'm never lonely, you know? That's what parties are for! I'm not usually lacking for company in the hot tub, if you get my drift."

What? No! I still barely know what you mean by that, but I'm not planning on eating you if that's what you're saying.

[ He shrugs at Taako's questioning. The changes were a big deal at one point, but they've actually been pretty fine once things settled down. It helps with his earthy and rugged persona, for sure. ]

I feel like I would've turned into a goat if I actually did that. Nope, this was what the dice rolled for me. I don't even need to use a spell slot to seduce the plants, now!

[ He sounds proud. ]

[A particularly strange fellow had been lingering on the sidelines, watching the werebear devour a civilian on the street. If Korekiyo's oddly calm mannerisms concerning this grisly scene aren't off-putting enough, his particular attire paired with the thick makeup on his face and the way his clothes hung off his skeletal body would be enough to concern any human who got a closer look at him.

But what does that matter? He's more interested in the bear's rambling, more content at picking out the bits of information the other monster carelessly throws out into the open. A former vampire... At least 400 years old... Clearly unhappy with the changes. Kiyo could sympathize with that last part- He always found his new, undead existence to be something of a cruel joke.

Then again, the bear has provided enough conversation material to take his mind off his own misery.]

You know, the technology in Ryslig is advanced enough to provide us with blenders. Perhaps you could make smoothies out of your victims to ease the transition to solid food?

Edited 2018-11-13 20:53 (UTC)

"Uh, I don't think people were exactly cool with it back home, either? At least, not people who weren't crazy bandits yelling about meat bicycles."

And no one really cares about the bandits' opinions, because they're crazy and talk about poop trains. Moral of the story is, Tim's not okay with the idea of hiding in the woods, being Actual Cannibal Timothy Lawrence. That is just really not his jam, he doesn't even really like having to kill bandits, and they're trying to kill him first. He at least has the comfort of knowing that everyone he puts a bullet into has it coming. Some random asshole on the street doesn't deserve to get mauled to death because his bullshit dietary requirements put long pork on the menu.

"And, and I mean not everyone here is a monster, right? There are plenty of regular people. Maybe everyone doesn't change."

That's the tiny sliver of hope that Tim's going to hold on to, okay. He's going to hold onto the minuscule possibility that whatever stupid bullshit turns everyone into boogities just sort of missed him on the way in. Miss him with that spooky shit.

"Don't be That Guy, Other Me. Don't be friggin stupid. Those are locals. Everybody who comes here from somewhere else, we all get zapped with the old change-o. Can't avoid it, can't stop it, can't even delay it."

Jack does understand the sentiment, he'd had it himself. He was brilliant and resourceful and he'd figure something out...ha. Nope. This was some serious other worldly bullshit and there's nothing they can do.

"Now there's a bunch of different ways you might have to eat people. Like I said, I just drain energy. Some monsters like werewolves and shit, they just straight up eat people. Meat and guts and everything. Some monsters like I guess merpeople? Now they eat souls... oh, and there's some blood drinking ones, too. So. Some options are better than others - and way less messy! The funny thing is...plenty of people here don't care. I mean the local human people. Hell, in Bavan town they love the monster breed! Literally, in some cases, there's...there's some clubs I'll take you to when you start changing. Now matter how messed up you look, there's somebody creaming themselves over it."

See, bright sides! Monster fetishists are a huge part of the subculture around here, with clubs and everything.

Jack lists off apparently every single way he can think for a monster to eat a human being, and it's... it's a thing? Like everything that he just said is its own particular brand of Horrifying, a nice little verbal stroll through the Wonderful World of Fucked Up Shit, coming soon to a Timothy near you.

"Jack, I don't think I can adequately say how super not helpful this is."

Thanks, he hates it.

"There is just no part of what you just told me that makes me feel better about anything? At all? Not that I really want to feel better about having to eat people, even if it's just energy or whatever. And even if some people are okay with, I don't know, getting bitten by a vampire, I'm pretty sure no amount of fetishism justifies murder?"

And then there's the whole soul thing, which, actually, now that he takes a second to properly digest that particular little factoid, what the whole and entire fuck.

"Or eating souls? Oh, my god, that's really horrible? Like, the implications of that are deeply existentially terrifying?"

"I'm not gonna sugar coat anything for you. Come on, you got balls. And you've killed like hundreds and hundreds of people already. Have your little freak out, then start dealing with the cold hard facts. You. Are. Gonna. Eat people. You get used to it."

And the implications there are pretty horrifying on their own. Jack feeds regularly, probably more than he strictly has to. He likes it, to be honest Plus, robot strength means he can easily strangle his victim one handed at the same time.

"No I just mean like...people know we kill people all the time. And still don't care. They treat us like bad weather, just something shitty that happens if you're not prepared." At least in Bavan. For the most part.

Other places...we-ell, there's a reason Jack got himself a place in Bavan now.

"Ha, right? I mean I dunno if it's actually a soul, but...there's a bunch that feed like that."

Tim could try to point out the nuance in this argument, the fact that those hundreds and hundreds of people that he'd killed were trying to kill him first, not just some randos trying to get their grocery shopping done or whatever. But Jack probably knows that this nuance exists and just isn't acknowledging it because it's way easier to justify that way, so Tim might as well just save everybody's breath.

"God, this is messed up."

He's going to get over his freak out, Jack, just give him like five minutes before you dump the next load of awful exposition on him. He needs to digest this stuff and, he doesn't know, enjoy however much time he has left as a normal human. Make peace with the inevitable loss of body number two, god he just can't look the same for longer than a few years, apparently.

"Does everyone here have a soul? Do I?" Tim isn't really a religious sort of person (definitely not since he burned that church down, it was an accident), but that question is now very relevant and concerning. And since he's thinking about this topic...

"...Do you?"

Because... robot.

"...Yeah. Yeah it is."

Jack's not gonna argue. Sure, he's adapting, but he knows it sucks. He went through this.

Then Number Two has to drop that little bomb and Jack just turns to look at him. What the hell kind of question is that?

"I dunno." He shrugs, trying to shrug it off. He doesn't like thinking about that. Back home, he never believed in any of that stuff. It was stupid. Here...things are a lot different here.

"I mean, I think it just means like life force. And monsters can feed on other monsters, so...whatever it is they eat...I guess...yeah. You got one, I got one..."

Huh. He's never made this particular connection before. Fuck. Now he really needs his batteries.

Thanks a lot, Inferior Jack.

It's a legitimate and pressing question, that's what it is. If Tim has to stand here and have this existential crisis, Jack, you get to have it right along with him. Because fuck you, that's why.

But, general consensus: they both have souls. He's got a soul, Jack's got a soul, and that should probably be way more concerning for Jack than for him, because Jack's objectively an awful person. Tim hopes this question keeps him up at night, except that Jack probably doesn't sleep anymore. He hopes it... takes up a lot of his RAM or whatever.

"...Huh." The revelation that they both have souls is... weird. "That got really heavy. Sorry, I guess?"

He's not exactly sorry, but this was kind of a bomb that he dropped on the both of them.

"Yeah it did! 'Do we have souls'..."

Life force. Jack's gonna go with life force. 'Soul'...no, that implies way too much in the realm of an immortal self that's gonna face judgement in the afterlife. It's bad enough there's 'gods' - not that he thinks they're actual gods. Just powerful beings. But they're called gods and there's plenty of people who treat them like that. It...brings up questions.

"Look, we're almost to my place, I got some booze left in the fridge I can't drink anymore. You can relax, have a drink... you're not turning into a monster yet. You really need to chill out, I know a pretty good cathouse."

Anything to shut up this soul talk, basically. Ugh.

A drink honestly sounds like the best thing that Tim's heard all day. He could use so many drinks, he really kind of wants to just get a bottle of whiskey and lay face-down on the floor somewhere and drink until he passes out and wakes up back where he's supposed to be. Getting absolutely shitfaced has never solved any of his problems before, and probably won't now, but it's worth a shot, right?

And then there's that last part, where Tim's like 99% sure that Jack just offered to buy him a prostitute. Like, 'can I offer you a nice hooker in these trying times?' Which is... what the fuck, Jack?

"What? No! I mean, yeah, I'll have a drink, but no, I don't want to get a prostitute."

He definitely doesn't want to get a prostitute with Jack. That would be weird and Jack has made comments in the past that make Tim deeply uncomfortable with and he's not entirely sure that Jack wouldn't want to like... watch. Or something.

"Umnnn..." Can alpaca...shrug? She's shrugging. "...I just fixed the park and stole from the Fog God...and then Elias said he wanted to call me one of his 'priests', and that's when I was able to start doing that."

....So.

"...So I guess be the best friend you can be?" There's a pause, and- "...Don't let him do stupid things though."

Kaito snorts but grows thoughtful. Needless to say, he's plotting how he might acquire that ability himself.

"What's he gotten himself into since I was gone? Still bickering with the Fog god?"

[Fran, the ever curious kelpie that he is, can be found on the outskirts of towns whenever people start washing up on the sands, waiting for them to leave the town or be chased from it and snagging a few newbies away to chat to. It's a scene he's sortof gotten used to over the months he's been here. Whoever this fog god is... they really like to keep a schedule.

Perhaps it's for that reason the human turnout is a little larger, and the pamphlets a bit bulkier every time. This time, it seems, one of the newbies found him. His lips curl into a grin, nodding and turning to face the strange- Oh. My, what an outfit. How curious~]

If we are, it's not doing a very good job of punishing us~

"Hey, suit yourself! It always calms me down, but whatever. Word of advice, though, do as much wild oat sowing as you can this month, buddy! Cause once you start changing...I mean, you could wake up a giant spider with tentacles in a few weeks, so..."

Jack shrugs. It happens. Not everybody is as lucky as him, with all his parts basically the same shape and where they've always been. Honestly, he doesn't even know if Number Two has a sex life to speak of. He should considering he's Handsome Jack #2, but Handsome Jack would never turn down a free hooker.

Maybe somebody needs some occupational training.

"But help yourself to whatever booze I got. I can't do drinks or food or anything like that anymore. But electricity does the trick - grabbed some lithium batteries from work, those should mess me up real good!"

Tim's sex life didn't really improve with the addition of Jack's face-- sure, women were way more interested in him post-surgery than when he had red hair and freckles, but he's also contractually obligated to act like Jack, too. And apparently there are women who are into that, but it had felt... weird and disingenuous and it's probably because Tim is sentimental and all that bullshit. Jack would make fun of him for it, undoubtedly.

And, anyway, once he started doing the whole body-double thing and running around on Elpis, there wasn't any time for dating. Eyes on the prize or whatever, he had been too busy to try to pick up women. And even if he probably would have the time now, he wants exactly zero help from Jack in that department. Jack is the worst wingman, Tim knows this deep in his soul.

"Uh, yeah, thanks?"

Tim's not really entirely sure that he likes the idea of getting shitfaced with his boss, because hanging with Jack is like the bottom of the list of ways he likes to spend his evenings, but. He also kind of doesn't know anyone else here? So sticking with Jack may be his best bet for surviving, too, at least until he knows how this place works a little better.

"So, um. Where do you live, exactly?"

"Just a couple blocks from here. I got a place in Bavan and a place in Vandare." Since he realized it was pretty easy to just find someone who lives alone, kill them, and take over their house.

"Vandare's more my kinda place, but...ehhhh. Not as cool with monster types. Plus there's work commute - I can go and go without getting tired, which is pretty sweet, but if I wanna get to work on time I gotta take the friggin bus and...I'm just not a public transit kinda guy. But I got a guestroom, so that's good news for you. It's kinda crappy, I haven't done anything with it yet, but do what you want."

The houses he has now are just places to stay while he gets his feet under himself and gathers his plans.

"Oh, and stay outta the garage. That's my little...projects space."

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Test drive meme: November

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nanao is talented at not giving a damn

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