Betelgeuse’s eyes scanned the pamphlet and skipped over the words. It wasn’t written in a language he could read well, so he just opted to look at the pictures instead. Reading was too much effort.
He opened the book and flipped through the pages, glancing at the images that interested him. A bunch of living people. Boring. Some monsters he couldn’t identify. Eh. A couple of--
“whoA HO HO! WHAT’D WE GOT HERE!” He hooted, opening up the pamphlet to a spread about mermaids, “YOU DIDN’T TELL ME IT WAS THIS KINDA MAGAZINE!”
The native whom had given him the pamphlet shifted uncomfortably on their feet.
“Uh--I’m sorry? Y...Did you read the intro?” they asked. Betelgeuse ignored them, or possibly didn’t register that they’d said anything at all, and just continued to flip through the mermaid section.
“I can’t believe you people are just givin’ this stuff away in the streets. Back when I was alive we couldn’t hoOH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?” Betelgeuse said, pointing at the page.
The native leaned over to see what he was looking at.
“That’s a mermaid” they said.
“WHAT”
“It says right up here that--” the native began, but Betelgeuse interrupted him.
“Those aren’t mermaids! No way! That thing is nasty! Look at the teeth!! What happened to the hot nudie ones?!”
The native took a deep breath.
“.....If you read the intro here, it will explain everything” They explained.
Betelgeuse shook his head.
“No, nu-uh, I’m done with these. This is the worst porno mag I’ve ever read. I’m goin’ home, fuck this” he said. He ripped out the page about mermaids that he’d been ogling, shoved it into his coat pocket and handed the rest of the pamphlet back.
Scenario two: Betelgeuse I (Beetlejuice)
He opened the book and flipped through the pages, glancing at the images that interested him. A bunch of living people. Boring. Some monsters he couldn’t identify. Eh. A couple of--
“whoA HO HO! WHAT’D WE GOT HERE!” He hooted, opening up the pamphlet to a spread about mermaids, “YOU DIDN’T TELL ME IT WAS THIS KINDA MAGAZINE!”
The native whom had given him the pamphlet shifted uncomfortably on their feet.
“Uh--I’m sorry? Y...Did you read the intro?” they asked. Betelgeuse ignored them, or possibly didn’t register that they’d said anything at all, and just continued to flip through the mermaid section.
“I can’t believe you people are just givin’ this stuff away in the streets. Back when I was alive we couldn’t hoOH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?” Betelgeuse said, pointing at the page.
The native leaned over to see what he was looking at.
“That’s a mermaid” they said.
“WHAT”
“It says right up here that--” the native began, but Betelgeuse interrupted him.
“Those aren’t mermaids! No way! That thing is nasty! Look at the teeth!! What happened to the hot nudie ones?!”
The native took a deep breath.
“.....If you read the intro here, it will explain everything” They explained.
Betelgeuse shook his head.
“No, nu-uh, I’m done with these. This is the worst porno mag I’ve ever read. I’m goin’ home, fuck this” he said. He ripped out the page about mermaids that he’d been ogling, shoved it into his coat pocket and handed the rest of the pamphlet back.